According to political historian, Heidi Clare of the Oxford Institute of Political Historians, 'Churchill is most famous for being the last white person ever to be given the name Winston. No black person has ever been named Gordon.'
Mona Lott of the Cambridge Institute of Oxford Studies added, 'They are very different. Winston Churchill often showed up to the House of Commons drunk and made an arse of himself. Gordon Brown is a tea-totaller and did it all without alcohol.'
Debate rages in the nation. Is Gordon Brown the new Winston Churchill?
Here are my Top 10 Reasons why I think not:
- Churchill gave his classic V salute to the British people with the palm of his hand pointing forwards. Brown gave his V salute to the British people with the palm of his hand pointing backwards. (see above)
- Both said, 'Never has so much been owed by so many to so few'. Winston rewarded the few only with praise, medals and meagre pensions. Brown gave them a million billion pounds with gold-plated pensions.
- Brown is famous for having no bottle. Churchill is famous for never being far from one.
- In 1909 Churchill created the Labour Exchanges to help unemployed people find work. In 2009 Brown created millions of unemployed to help the Labour Exchanges find people.
- Churchill died in 1965 and was given a state funeral. Brown has been made the same offer by the British people but is still dithering.
- Churchill stated, 'A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.' Brown can't put his pants on because they're on fire.
- Churchill only saved Britain from the Forces of Darkness. Brown saved the World from the Masters of the Universe.
- Churchill said, 'It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.' Brown gave Barack Obama a book of quotations - by Churchill.
- As Chancellor of the Exchequer Churchill ignored Keynes and returned Britain to the Gold standard even though he was warned it could result in a depression. As Chancellor of the Exchequer Brown pissed away the gold, listened to Keynes and created a depression.
- 'Prime Minister Gordon Brown' is an anagram of 'Snot-mired Erring Wimp Broon' while 'Prime Minister Winston Churchill' is not.
- 1st Prize. A signed copy of Gordon Brown's Book 'Courage'.
- 2nd Prize. Two signed copies of Gordon Brown's Book 'Courage'.
- 3rd Prize. Nokia N-95 mobile phone - as used by Gordon Brown (needs some work).
You couldn't make it up.