Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Its my opinion that many people take philosophy too seriously and that its these same people who are giving education a bad name. Take, for example, the perpetual hand-wringing about whether a glass is half-full or half-empty. Why the dilemma? Just drink whats in the fucking glass and order another one. Now you have two glasses, one full and one empty signifying the eternal question - whose round is it next?

But this is where philosophy gets a little tricky. If you drink half of what's in the full-glass you'll now have an empty glass and another that's either half-full or half-empty. Back to that dilemma agian. This is precisely where Dante was when he tore up the first draft of Inferno. However, the more prescient amongst us will see that the solution is obvious. Down the hatch. Now you have two empty glasses. Order another and we're on our way. Or so you might think.

See this is where philosophy gets difficult. The question has been transposed. The new question is whether your bladder is half-empty or half-full. This stuff could do your nut in.

So on the hunt for the eternal answer the solution is simple - have a piss. And on the way there order another drink so that now you have two full glasses, two empty glasses and a half-full bladder - a perfect philosophical balance. Or so you might think.

Trouble is that right about now the jerk of a waitress cleans your table and takes your two empty glasses. Bitch. All that studious effort and now you have to start all over again. This is why philosophy should be left to bastards like Kierkegaard. No waitress would ever dare to clean Kierkegaard's table while he was having a piss because they'd know that it would signify an end to the Protestant religion. Which in turn would mean that the Pope would be perpetually pissing in the woods and needing a constant stream of full-glasses. Fuck this is hard.

So is there a moral to this? Yes there is. But I can't remember what it is. I think I lost track after the third half-empty glass. Or was it half-full? What was I clogging about again?


  1. Would you kindly fuck off.

  2. Who was this fucker Kierkegaard anyway? Philosopher? Can't even spell. Doesn't he know that 'i' comes before 'e', except after 'c'? This philosopher bastard got it wrong in his OWN NAME.

    Then again. Einstein got it wrong TWICE.

  3. If John Stuart Mill was alive today he'd be turning in his grave.

  4. The answer is quite simple. Stick to drinking halves.