Hazel Blears, the Communists Secretary, today insisted that she was not criticising Gordon Brown when she called him ‘a despicable snivelling toady of a snot-chewing moronic illiterate cunt’.
“No”, she insisted, “I was quoted out of context. My comments were directed at certain of Number 10’s economic policies. I was commenting on Gordon and Ed’s Post Neoclassical Endogenous Growth Theory – which seems to have been lost in the post – and my comments were misconstrued.
“Gordon has my support 100% and I was not threatened or intimidated by Gordon or any of his goons, including, but not limited to John Prescott, in any way. Oh, no. Anyone who knows me knows that while I am but a very small girl I don’t bend to pressure by brutal thugs who try to intimidate me. And by ‘brutal thugs’ I mean that in the most positive of contexts.”
“This happens to me a lot’, continued Blears. “You may recall that I was quoted in the Telegraph in January as saying that ‘Political campaigning is like sex.’ I didn’t say that at all. I said ‘Peter Mandelson is a Wanker’. That nice Mr McBride at Number 10 simply changed it to a more positive position. I think Number 10 relies too much on spin. And I mean that in the most positive sense. But if John Smith was alive today he'd be turning in his grave’
John Prescott declined comment citing his inability to spell ‘unavailable’.