Friday, May 1, 2009

Blunkett Not Blind - 'I Meant To Say I Was Deaf'

Former Home Secretary and architect of the infamous Anti-Social Behaviour Order or ASBO , David Blunkett, was today handed his very own ASBO for allegedly claiming benefits for 40 years while pretending to be blind. Apparently, Blunkett gave himself away when he let slip he'd seen Gordon Brown’s disastrous performance on YouTube.

Blunkett was quoted in a number of papers and blogs when he criticised Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s much ridiculed performance on YouTube. But how could he have seen it if he is blind?


While handing down Mr Blunkett’s ASBO, Magistrate Orson Carte stated, ‘This is one of the worst cases of benefit fraud I’ve ever seen. This man convinced the authorities he was blind so he could collect benefits for the best part of 40 years. Now he’s been caught red-handed thanks to YouTube. Initially he tried to claim he viewed the video in Braille but YouTube don't offer that feature.

While being interviewed by police, Blunkett allegedly shouted, ‘Blind? No, I meant to say I was deaf. What? No. It’s Gordon Brown who’s the blind one. He’s our leader. If I was blind then it’d be a case of the blind leading the blind and we can’t have that, no. What did you say? Sorry. I’m deaf you know. Has anyone seen my dog? She’s incontinent.

Magistrate Orson Carte continued, ‘It’s sad to see when people pretend they are handicapped for political and financial advantage. If Ray Charles was alive today he’d be turning in his grave’.

Blunkett, who was due to repeat his role as Blind Pew in the Lloyd Weber production of Kidnapped at the Glasgow Citizens Theatre, will now spend the next 30 days at home where he will have plenty of time to sell his collection of white sticks on e-Bay.

Rob Worn Dong was unavailble for comment.

You couldn't make this up.


  1. Shame on you. This is cruel to the handicapped. The blind leading the blind indeed.

    anyway, I hear this rumour....

    David Blunkett goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" Blunkett, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." Blunkett takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Then Gordon Brown walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. Blunkett sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." Brown graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

    Gordon Brown replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

    You couldn't make it up.

  2. OK I get it. Rob Worn Dong. Haha.

    And CLASSROOM MAP is an anagram of MORAL COMPASS.
    Draw your own conclusions.