Ed Balls, the Child Minster, today claimed that he didn’t break the economy. ‘It was post neoclassical endogenous growth theory wot done it - and then ran away’ he insisted. ‘It wasn’t me or Gord’.
Balls explained, ‘Like, in 1994 me mate Gord an me was just, like, y’know, larkin about. People thought we were just like dumb socialist bastards and like we didn’t understand real economics. So we, like, y’know, bought a book, like. So we looked for somefink with a clever title an’ all. We found this book about ‘Post Neoclassical Endogenous Growth Theory’ an we thought, yeah, that’ll impress them wot wif big words an all.
‘OK it was a crap theory an all that,’ Balls continued, ‘but fink of the damage. OK so the economy, like, might be down a trillion or two, but, like, Gord an I paid, like, two hundred quid for that book. So who’s the real loser.’
Post neoclassical endogenous growth theory was first introduced by Gordon Brown in a speech in 1994 but has now mysteriously vanished which strengthens Balls claims.
Scotland Yard Superintendant Stan Still commented, ‘Often endogenous growth theory assumes constant marginal product of capital at the aggregate level, or at least that the limit of the marginal product of capital does not tend towards zero. This does not imply that larger firms will be more productive than small ones, because at the firm level the marginal product of capital is still diminishing. So I don’t think we’ll be pursuing this. You can’t dust for an economic theory’
Superintendant Still continued, ‘Ed Balls is a junior so we won’t be prosecuting. I think everyone will wholeheartedly agree that he is indeed the loser.’
Joseph Schumpeter was not available for comment.
You couldn’t make this up.