Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Major Plonquer Resigns as MP

Today the popular internet personality, political commentator and all-round raconteur, Major Amadeus Plonquer pre-empted David Cameron and announced that he is to resign his position as a Conservative MP with immediate effect. The bold move took Cameron completely by surprise and left him ‘utterly astonished’ according to a source at Conservative HQ.

In a news conference today Plonquer explained, ‘Given the reputation of Parliament and Parliamentarians, this is without a doubt the right thing to do. Even though I’m not currently an MP, I was planning to put my name forward as a candidate at the next election. Now I think I should take a stand on principal and to show that I understand the mood of the British public, tender my resignation a year before the election.

Major Plonquer's supporters express their opinion.

Plonquer continued, ‘I should point out that everything I’ve done has been 100% within the rules. Even so, the great British public now loathes MPs so much that wanting to be one is considered a crime against society. I hope my constituents will understand that I’ve always had their interests at heart.

Major Plonquer is also a Director of the Nantwich-Transylvania Pitch Fork and Torch Company. The company are reporting much higher than normal demand for their products this year although this is not thought to be a factor in his decision to resign.

Plonquer also confirmed that he will continue his campaign to see Frank Ifield appointed Speaker of the House. ‘Frank hasn’t done much since he had a hit with I Remember You in the 1960s’, he stated, ‘but his yodel is still as good as it ever was and he’s an obvious choice for Speaker.

Plonquer supports Frank Ifield for Speaker

On the condition that he remain anonymous an aide to David Cameron, Henry Padington-Smythe, declared, ‘I think it’s a disgrace that an Honourable Member such as Major Plonquer has fallen on his sword and broken his pledge. This is the act or a truly honourable man. If Ted Heath was alive today he’d be turning in his grave’.

The Speaker of the House, Michael Martin was available for comment but our reported couldn’t understand a word he said. In a written statement he said ‘Awa afore ah pit the heid in ye’.

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